November 7, 2010
breaking point.
i feel close to breaking my Daniel Fast…been going through a rough time and as I was telling my husband, I’ve been feeling that “something has to give”!
my emotions are raw, i’m on the verge of tears all the time….. my brain is fried, my heart is broken. i’m on no good sleep and have extra responsibilities to handle each day. I think I grew up 10 years in the past 4 days. I feel old. I want a brownie.
my husband has been so good with the Daniel Fast this week. He hasn’t allowed me to ‘cheat’ and eat something off the menu or give in to temptation. i’ve appreciated it very much after the fact and i’m glad that he is strong enough to help me do this, cause I really want to continue doing the fast.
tonight though, after our conversation he asked me, “do you want me to make you some hot chocolate?” and as much as i wanted to sit there and savor a nice steaming cup of hot chocolate on the couch at the end of a very long day….i knew. i knew that after i was done with it…everything would still be the same. nothing was going to change just because i had some hot chocolate….i don’t think i would have felt better either. not really, anyways.
so i realized that even though i may have these cravings for sweets or coffee or chicken strips……they aren’t what i need.
what i really need is for God to show up in my life in a miraculous way. what i need is His peace. what i need is healing in my heart and mind. i need to know He has not abandoned us.
so let the fast continue…
October 14, 2010
please drive forward
today i worked on booklets to distribute to the church on Sunday about the Daniel fast. it has taken a long time to put together but the more i prepare my mind and heart for the upcoming fast, the more i notice how the Holy Spirit is showing me where my addictions and temptations lie.
for example, today was a long day both mentally, emotionally and physically. not all my days are like this but some days…well some days just aren’t your day, right?
so at the end of my day i am feeling exhausted in all ways, driving home i think “i worked so much and dealt with a lot today….i need something sweet
” and so i drive myself over to a greasy fast food place and order my favorite little treats…mini funnel cakes. i know that these funnel cakes will instantly make me feel good as soon as i take a bite of the crunchy light sweet powdered sugar dusted cake. did i mention the world’s largest dr. pepper to along with them? and some jalapeno poppers and egg rolls for the reverend mr. …yes, i totally ate some of his!
so i’m driving home eating my funnel cake in bliss when i hear the whisper of the Holy Spirit asking me “why do you need this?” and in all my explanations not one of them was good enough. because in reality when i feel spent from a long day, when my mind is fried like a jalapeno popper and my emotions are on edge from being hurt….should i really run to Jack in the Box first? Should my first thought be to instantly gratify my flesh?
i’m thinking……no
i know i should ask God to comfort me first. to bring His rest and peace to my heart and mind and body. i know that in the big things in life that i certainly can’t control i sprint to His side and fall to my knees in prayer. but the more i see how dependent i have allowed myself to become on food to “pick me up” the more i see how desperately i need to give it up.
it may seem so trivial…it’s just a mini funnel cake. a small indulgence. but i believe that each small decision develops a pattern and i don’t want the pattern of my life to become a series of drive-thru windows and a desperate face covered in powdered sugar. i want the pattern of my life to be desperation for more of God and His likeness in me. you can’t pick that up from a fast food joint.
October 12, 2010
this is me
i love chocolate. in pretty much any form i can get it. soon we will be starting the Daniel Fast at church. i will miss my chocolate for 21 long days, but i love Jesus more than chocolate and would rather have more of him and less of chocolate any day.
that is me.
i’m a licensed minister, a founding pastor of a church plant in Kemah, Tx, a wife of seven years, and a mom of three amazingly funny children.
i hope to share some of my life and heart in this blog. i have other blogs that have grown old and moldy or that i use for other purposes. my reverend mr. also has a blog.
here’s my fresh start. a renewed purpose and a fan to flame the gifts inside of me….
Reverend Mrs. 